Wednesday, July 7, 2010


This past weekend we enjoyed the 4th of July at the lake.   It seems like with every holiday a little spark of pain comes back.  As we enjoyed the weekend with friends and family I was constantly thinking about what I would be doing if Ella was here with us.  Would she be walking now, would she be splashing in the lake or eating watermelon?  Would we be cuddling as a family under a blanket watching the fireworks?

Our grief reminds me sometimes of fireworks.  It makes a loud noise with a big flash of light but in an instant it is gone and you are left with a beautiful memory.  That is sort of how our grief comes and goes now.  Hits you when you least expect it, surprising you, but in an instant is gone and you are left with sweet memories of a little baby girl.  That spark of grief reminds me of how beautiful our love was for her.

Even though it has been a year since Ella left us; holidays, anniversaries, birthdays and celebrations still bring a sting of pain that settles in your heart for the day.  Reminding us what we are missing and who is not here with us.  It is funny how the days that should be full of fun, family and friends can sometimes have fireworks of grief in the background. 

We are so fortunate to have such wonderful friends in our life that we got to spend the 4th of July with.  They still let us talk about a little girl that we miss, let us be part of their families watching their own children grow up, and supporting us with their love and friendship as we sit around a bonfire enjoying a summer evening.  The 4th of July isn't all about BBQ, food and fireworks, it is also about friends, family and community.  We are so lucky that this July we have them all in our lives reminding us what is important.

So as we enter into the month of July we are looking forward to moving Ella's Halo forward. With the love and support of our friends and family, we can help a NICU community find comfort.  Just thinking about all that  we are going to do in the next couple of months puts fireworks of love in my heart.


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