It is lightly snowing outside, the air is chill and our house is a glow with Christmas lights. It is hard to believe that Christmas will be here in 2 weeks. This time of year always makes my heart a little heavier. Missing my little girl and wondering what she would have wanted for Christmas in her stocking or wondering if she would burst in to tears on Santa's lap because she is scared of Jolly St. Nick.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas.
Let your heart be light,
From now on our troubles
Will be out of sight.
However, there are wonderful programs for bereaved families to remember little ones that remind us that Ella is here with us. There are also kind friends and family that remember with us so that we know Ella's life won't be forgotten and that she is missed in all of the holiday cheer.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on our troubles
Will be miles away.
Just this past weekend a friend of ours got married. For their dollar dance they donated all of the money to Ella's Halo. It brought tears to my eyes and still does that we are blessed to have good friends who will always remember a little girl that was only here for a brief time, even a year and half later.
Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore,
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.
We also got to do a few of our "new" family Christmas traditions. Our parents and Ryan and I went out to the cemetery and brought Ella a Christmas tree with pink ribbons. The Grandmas spoiled her and put the ribbons on her freshly cut tree. I know she was smiling down on us that afternoon. We also attended the Angel of Hope ceremony on December 6th in Perham. Ella's stone is there and it is a beautiful way to gather with other families who are missing their angels. I said Ella's name and placed a white flower next to the angel statue as did Ella's Grandmas and Great Aunt Diane. We sang Silent Night in candle light together as a group of bereaved families. Faith's Lodge is also having a Holiday Tribute for our little angels on December 19th at the Woman's Club in Minneapolis from 3-5pm. We are looking forward to another new tradition of remember Ella this holiday season.
Through the years
We all will be together
If the Fates allow,
Hang a shining star
On the highest bough,
And have yourself
A merry little Christmas now.
Christmas might be a little easier this year, but it will never be the same without Ella. I know that she may not be here to hang her stocking or help us decorate the Christmas tree, but I do know she is with us and always will be. We know that our sadness will never go away but being able to remember her and having others remember her too eases that pain.
This holiday season we know the pain that other families are facing, a first holiday without their child. Our troubles might not always be far away or even out of sight, but just like the song says, "through the years we will be together", and that is all we have to hold on to. The hope that our angels are always with us.
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