Daddy's Little Girl

Ryan’s story about how our little girl came into this world probably differs than mine, actually I know it does. The poor guy had to take care of his bed ridden wife who needed him to do everything for her for 5 long weeks. And trust me, I wasn't easy to take care of. Then one scary night he was chasing behind an ambulance on the way to a hospital he was unfamiliar with, running down the halls to find out where his pregnant wife was rushed to. Once he got into the hospital room there were so many questions flying his way, and so many uncertainties about what was to happen. After our daughter was born, he was rushed into a waiting room while I was in surgery and Ella was moved down to the NICU for more care. After he named our daughter and made sure I was recovering from surgery, he finally got to realize what had just happened. He was now a daddy to a beautiful little girl.

What a daddy he was! He got so involved in the care of Ella, from what drugs they were giving her, what the machines did and googling what the best options were, to rubbing her head and changing her diapers. He even liked all the pink and the little bows for her hair. He was so strong, so loving, and so wonderful.

A few of my favorite moments with Ella have to do with Ryan too. The first time Ella really opened her eyes to look at us was the first time Ryan got to hold her. She opened her eyes and just gazed into his eyes. I did everything I could to get her to look at me but she would just glance in my direction and then look back at her daddy. It was as if she knew us so well already. That her daddy is the calm, laid back guy who would spoil her rotten and that I was the crazy high energy mom who would be always telling her what to do. Of course she wanted to bond with her daddy. She knew that he was already wrapped around her tiny finger.

Another memory that I have was during a long stretch of time we spent at the hospital. I don’t even remember how many hours or days we were there at this one given time. However, I was taking a little snooze in a chair next to her bedside and Ryan was sitting next to her. I remember waking up to Ryan’s voice. He was chatting away about the Twins, what we would do when she got to go home, and how much he wanted her to get better. I opened my eyes to see them holding hands. Ella was just laying there listening to him talk, no alarms were going off, and she wasn’t sleeping but just listening to what her daddy had to say. I am sure he was sitting by her talking for a good hour or so while I was sleeping and Ella was just so happy to be hanging out with her daddy. Ryan looked up at me and just gave me the biggest smile. It just melted my heart. I love these little moments, and these memories. I will cherish them forever. The two loves of my life bonding as father and daughter.

Now Ryan and I only have each other. Sometimes when I am crying, he doesn’t have to say anything, just hugs me and everything seems a little better. He holds my hand to let me know I am not alone. His blue eyes show the pain that I am feeling. But one thing I have learned from him through all of this is that my husband is determined. He was the driving force behind trying to figure out why Ella was so sick, and he is now the driving force behind Ella’s Halo. When others said we were only passionate about a nonprofit because we were still grieving…it was him who knew we could do it and wanted to keep pushing on because he truly believed in our cause. I am so happy our nonprofit has him as our Executive Director. He handles the daily tasks for Ella’s Halo, makes the contacts and connections, and works out the logistics of the ideas the Board comes up with. I couldn’t think of anyone else to be our Executive Director.

He is now even stronger, just as loving, and wonderfully determined.  I am so lucky to have Ryan as my love, my husband, our Executive Director and my little girl’s father. And Ella will always be her daddy's little girl.