I love you

Today is our four year wedding anniversary.  So much has happened in those four years, however it just seems like yesterday that we were tying the knot and becoming a family.

I wouldn't change a thing, a moment, or a second. Our lives have brought us many smiles and lots of laughter and some sorrow and countless tears.  Those smiles and tears are the foundation of our love. I know that in good times and in bad times we will make it through together.

The things I love about Ryan are the same things I have always loved about him.  He is a good man, a wonderful husband and the sweetest daddy.  Happy Anniversary Honey!  I love you more today than I did yesterday. You are the love of my life and Ella's, and nothing will ever change that.

Upcoming

We are finishing up the final details on our upcoming event. Last night we had our board meeting and our house was filled with excitement. Today the date was set with the venue and we need to get a few more things figured out before we announce our first Ella’s Halo event. Be on the watch out for the announcement in the next few days with details to follow.

Also upcoming are a few more meetings with friends from Faith’s Lodge and our friends from the NICU. Projects are starting to form and we will be announcing some new ideas to Ella’s Halo in the next month as well. New things will be added to our website too. Check back to our blog and our website at http://www.ellashalo.com/ to see all of the exciting things that are upcoming.

We are also very excited about the upcoming month of March. Not only do we have so much going on with Ella’s Halo but it is our little girl’s first birthday. So many upcoming events, projects and love coming our way this next month!

A Shooting Star

This past year brought us a shooting star. A bright shining glimmer of hope. Something you make wishes on. Something you see only in your dreams. Something so beautiful you have to blink to make sure you really saw it. Something so wonderful you think diamonds are falling from the sky, praying maybe, just maybe, God is showing you a piece of heaven here on earth.

And before you know it, that star is gone. The sky turns back to darkness and you are standing alone. You are wondering where it went and wishing you could have watched it longer. Standing in disbelief that you almost missed it. Sad that it is forever gone.

Then you realize that you had been blessed to have had that one precious moment. Lucky that you were chosen to have had such an experience. So lucky to have felt such a connection with something so beautiful. So lucky to have seen that little star.

I know that Ella’s life was like a shooting star. Filled with beauty, hope and love in such a short time that I often wonder if it was just a dream. She brought us so much happiness in such a brief instant and just like that she was gone. That is exactly how I want to remember our time with Ella...thanking our lucky stars for those precious little moments. Thanking our lucky stars that we were chosen to be her parents. Thanking our lucky stars that we have our memories. Thanking our lucky stars to have held something so beautiful. And thanking our lucky stars that we got to see a little piece of heaven here on earth.

All You Need Is Love

Losing a child has strengthened our relationship, our faith and our love. Together, we possess the courage to face whatever life throws our way and we now know that we will survive it all together as a family. Love will shine through even in hardship. This past year I have believed in love more than I ever have before. It is what carries us through, it is what gives us strenghth when we are weak, it is what gives us comfort when we are lonely, and it is really is the only thing that matters.

Someone once told me that “the happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything they have.” That is what we try to do every day of our lives. We are turning our story of losing our little girl into a wonderful organization that will help other babies and families within a NICU. I don’t think of losing Ella as a sad story but as a story of love. We took everything she has taught us and now we are turning our sadness into strength to help others and doing it all because of love. The moments when you have really lived, are the moments when you have done things in a spirit of love.

This year we understand just how much a person can be loved. The love we have for Ella will always be in our hearts and that is all we need.  Especially on a day that is all about love!

Support

We feel blessed that we have found friends in our support group and through our weekend retreat at Faith's Lodge who understand. Grief is something you never want to share with others but when you do, bonds form.

No one else can ever really understand until they are faced with the grief of losing a child themselves. And I would never want others to fully know that pain. However, these friends do know that feeling of always having a hole in your heart, the fear of the future while desperately trying to hold on to the past, and the comfort of being with others who understand all too well.

Over this past week, we’ve got to spend time with these new friends at our support group and at the Faith's Lodge Fish Fry. Their friendship, understanding and support have meant the world to us. Ryan and I have become so aware of how many families do have to face the pain of losing a child. This group of people will always have grief and pain in common but we also have sweet memories and love for our babies too!

Hope

Franchesca made this beautiful hope collage for us.  It has Ella's name along with all of things that remind us of our sweet baby girl.

Thank you for this beautiful collage.  It warms my heart to see my daughter's name surrounded by all of the things I love about her. 

Franchesca's website is http://www.hopecollage.org/.  She makes these hope collages in memory of her sweet baby girl Jenna Belle.  What a beautiful way to remember all of our little angels. 

Friends and Family

February is turning out to be a busy month for us. Fish fry, support group, NICU visit, board meeting and birthdays are all on our agenda.

Today is my mom's birthday. This time last year I know she was counting down the days until she would be a grandma playing with a precious little baby. This year she is still a grandma, just not like she pictured. Instead she is a grandma to a little angel. Ryan's dad has a birthday later this month too. We are lucky to have such a wonderful and supportive family. And to thank them, we blessed them with their very own little angel who is always watching over them from heaven.

Tonight we are going to our bereaved parents support group and having dinner afterwards. We enjoy seeing our friends from our support group, sharing our stories and learning from each other. Their stories inspire us and their friendship gives us comfort.

Thursday we are going to the Faith's Lodge Fish Fry. Check out their website for more details at http://faithslodge.org/. We are looking forward to spending the evening eating good fish and seeing our friends from our Faith's Lodge weekend. And, some of our support group friends will be there too. We will be surrounded by old and new friends while supporting a wonderful facility for bereaved parents like us.

Also later this week we will be going to the NICU to meet with some of the staff to get ideas and give support through Ella's Halo. We are looking forward to be able to give them items they need and want for the unit. We are also looking forward to seeing our friends from the NICU too.

And, finally we are having another Ella’s Halo board meeting. Our next meeting is scheduled for February 23rd and we will be working on planning events for 2010. We are looking forward to spending an evening with our favorite girls.

February is busy with family and friends, and of course Ella's Halo.

A Little White Envelope

At Ella’s funeral service we received so much love and support. Cards, flowers and gifts poured in from so many people. But, there was one gift that stood out that we will never forget. There was a simple little white envelope with a card that read "We know our friends would do the same for us." The anonymous card also contained a significant amount of money. 

We just knew that we had to use this money for something very special, something that would be in Ella's memory.  That special gift in a little white envelope was a great inspiration  to us and was used to get Ella's Halo started. Ella's Halo is not something that was started by just Ryan and I; it is something that our friends and family helped us build. It is the support from others that is making Ella's Halo what it is today, and creating opportunities for what it is to become.

This wonderful gesture, even though we don't know who it was from, was a gift that touched our lives. We realized that there are so many good and kind people in this world. Every time we think things are hard...we remember that little white envelope and know that we have others who care about us.  That is what inspired us to want to help families with babies in the NICU.  The help we received in that little white envelope is now helping other families like ours.

So thank you to those that left that little white envelope. Your good deed has been passed on to make an even bigger impact through Ella’s Halo.

Website

Our website is now up and running. Go to http://www.ellashalo.com/ and check it out! It is still a work in progress, but we want to provide another opportunity to share what we are doing, and provide information about upcoming events, other Ella's Halo services and donation opportunities. As always, we invite you to share your feedback and comments.