Monday, June 14, 2010

Ella's Story

The day Ella left us is coming up this week. It is a day I have been dreading to think about. Over the last week I keep playing back that last day, that last hour, those final minutes. I sort of feel like I keep reading a sad chapter in a book over and over and I can't stop for fear I might miss something or I will forget every little detail. It was a year ago on Wednesday, but it just seems like it was yesterday. Sometimes I can't believe how fast this year has gone by and yet other times it seems like the past year has been an eternity.

I can still clearly remember the faces of the nurses standing in her room, their eyes filled with tears, the phone call from Ryan that was full of fear, and the feeling that my heart just fell out of my chest. I can still remember thinking I couldn’t breathe, looking up and seeing the red line flat on the monitor, listening to how quiet and peaceful the room suddenly was. I remember telling my dad what happened, holding Ryan as he was shaking, looking down at our baby in my arms for the first time with no tubes, no lines, no machines. These are the memories that bring back so much pain. But they are still part of Ella's story, still part of her life with us.

In all of the sadness that happened on June 16th, we realized how lucky we were to have had Ella in our lives, even if just for a moment. We were there when she got her wings to fly to heaven, we were there holding her as a family one last time as her little heart stopped, and we were there to say goodbye and kiss our beautiful baby. This is not the end of our little girl's story and we promised her that she would not be forgotten. And Ella's Halo is helping us keep that promise to our daughter.

Together we were there when she came into this world and together we were there when she left this world. We are so blessed to have known our little girl and see her become our sweet angel. We can cry that she died or smile because she lived, and on June 16th I know we will do both while keeping her story alive.


Anne Hoeft said...

Sweet Ella will never be forgotten. We are sending lots of love your way.

Love, Anne & Brent

Anne said...

Thinking of you guys and sweet baby Ella today and always.

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