30 Years

Hard to believe that on Monday I turned 30 years old.  Even more hard to believe is that this last year has changed me more than all of the other 29 years.  I have to sometimes put it into perspective and realize what we have all done in just one year, to see how much our lives have changed in just one year. 

I not only became a mommy to my little girl, this past year I had to grieve losing my little girl.  That one thing has changed me more than anything else.  Losing a loved one is the hardest struggle I have had to face and have finally understood that grief will always be my challenge.  But I have also become more compassionate for other families especially children. My heart breaks every time I hear another story about a baby being born too early and living in the NICU.  My need to give back, whether it be to the NICUs, families, hospitals or other non-profits and organizations is my true passion.  Too bad it took losing Ella and 30 years to learn.

This year we also started a non-profit.  Just like any business it has been very hard.  I want Ella's Halo to be bigger, raising more money, helping more families, being able to help hospitals buy everything on their wish lists.  But I have to keep remembering that we too are a baby in the eyes of non-profit organizations.  It takes time to build relationships, to share our story and to inform others about Ella's Halo.  There is only so much you can do in only one year.  I keep telling myself.....just think what Ella's Halo will be able to accomplish in the next 30 years.

So as I turn to the next decade I know that we have accomplished two huge hurdles in life.  Even though we will still have heartache, hard work and healing ahead of us, I know that we took our pain and changed it into a promise to help others.  To me, that has been a wonderful 30 years.