Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Angels on Earth

Losing a child can strengthen relationships. It never seizes to amaze me how wonderful and supportive our friends have been over the last two years. I know it is so hard for them to know how to help us, how to comfort us and how to be the friends I need sometimes. However, this experience has helped me realize the true friends that have been there for me when I really did need them the most. I only hope that I am half of the friend to them as they have been to me. My friends are my angels here on earth that give me strength every day.

As time passes on, I can see in the eyes of others that bringing up Ella is starting to be a strange topic for discussion. This was at first hard for me to take. I wanted to talk about her, I do have memories of her, she is part of us and always will be, and she changed me to my very core. Why wouldn't I talk about her? I have found comfort in knowing that I might not be able to tell every Ella story to some people but I am very lucky to have such good friends who will listen and listen with interest even now two years later. And even sometimes it is those friends who will bring Ella up in the middle of our conversation or say simple things like when you have another little baby. Those things mean the world to me and always makes my heart so full with love not only for Ella but for those sweet friends that truly understand how I have changed. It is the friend that knew I needed a girls weekend, a card just because it was Tuesday, a hug when I see a daddy with his little girl, a glass of wine to help unwind, a call on the phone to just chat and a friend who just knows I need a good cry. I can't even describe how these friends have touched my heart and mean so much to me, to us. These friends are our angels.

Losing a child can hurt relationships too. Some people just don't understand the depths of our grief or they themselves are too scared. I know that there are friends who simply can't reach out to us because it is something unknown to them. They don't know what to say, how to act or what to do so they instead do nothing. And I may have been selfish focusing on me and Ryan and trying to get through the first year without Ella that I didn't put time or effort into these relationships either. I guess it is just what happens in life.

Losing a child can also build new relationships. I never thought we would be part of the babyloss community or even the NICU community. They are friends I am so thankful for but really wish I never met because meeting them means they have had to go through the same journey of losing a child or having a baby in the hospital like we have. These friends are like no other. Sometimes they can see a look in your eye or a smile on your face and know exactly what you are thinking or what you are feeling. They understand our grief without having to explain. I know that no matter how life changes in the next few years, we will always have this network of friends and support, this network of angels here on earth.

As I continue to heal, I am even more thankful for the friendships that have grown during my time of need. I really do have some of the best people that care about me, my future and my baby Ella. You know who you thank you from the bottom of my heart for your friendship it means the world to me. Every day the angels here on earth are helping me to heal and lifting me back to my feet. We are so blessed with such wonderful friends.


Lisette said...

This is such a beautiful post. You are really blessed to have friend's like these. ((HUGS))

Deanna said...

You couldn't have said it better! There are some relationships that have gotten stronger, a few friends that really mean it when they ask, "how are you?" Many of us feel at loss for the relationships we had before we became part of the babyloss community, but are grateful that this community is here, when it seems like no one else is. Thinking of you, and remembering Ella, always!

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