Just Different

As we rang in the 2011 New Year, things just felt different. This year I am  more hopeful for the future, more at peace with grief and more certain in our journey. I am looking forward to the new year and to whatever life throws my way.

Letting go of 2009 seemed so hard. That was the year my life changed. It was the best and worst year. Looking ahead to 2010 seemed like an up hill battle and I was hopeful but gripped with grief and uncertainty. I didn't know how two people could create a nonprofit and be able to live out our promise to Ella through Ella's Halo. I didn't know the journey Ryan and I would decide to take to continue adding to our family. I didn't even know how I would make it a whole year without Ella.  2009 was Ella's year and it was hard to say goodbye.

Leaving 2010 behind, however, is different. I jumped into 2011 excited, not to leave 2010 behind but, to all of the promise that I know 2011 has in store. 2010 turned out to be an exciting year for Ella's Halo. Our nonprofit became more than I could have ever dreamed it would in just one short year. We held two  successful events for Ella's Halo in 2010 which I never imaged would have happened this time last year. And yes we are still always burdened with grief and it does still catch me off-guard but I have come to embrace that as a part of who we are. Grief is something I will always have and 2010 helped me be okay with that. 

So here is to 2011. We are looking forward to expanding our Ella's Halo efforts and making our nonprofit even more than what it already is. We hope to come up with even more ways to provide comforts to families in the NICU. We want to continue to give back to nonprofits that have touched our lives since Ella. We even want to think about maybe adding to our little family someday too. In the next year, we want to continue to honor our sweet little girl's life in the things we do every day. We want to keep 2011 wide open for all of the possibilities that we may not even have thought of. That is what gives me the hope for this new year.

It amazes me how different one year can be. One year I don't want to let go, and the next year I am ready to jump in feet first. Either way 2011 is here to stay...for at least the next 12 months!