Happy Birthday Ella

I used to be afraid that we were going to forget our little girl. Forget the things that she did, the way she smelled, her cute little face. Forget those moments when we finally became parents to a sweet baby girl.

But, I now believe that we won’t forget those memories of Ella and that they aren’t going to fade away. I think that they are all we have…83 short days. So we cherished every moment, every memory because we truly didn’t know how long we would have with our baby girl.

Her life will always be remembered within us. Every time we held her little fingers, every time she peaked out at us, every time she would squint her eyes shut to tell us she was mad, every time we rubbed her little head or kissed her little toes, every time we got to hold her in our arms, every time we were together as a family. We won’t forget those moments…they now make up who we are and will be part of us forever until we get to see her again someday to make new memories in heaven. Our baby was with us just for a moment but changed our family forever.

Your life was a blessing,

Your memory a treasure...

You are loved beyond words

and missed beyond measure.

-Unknown

Happy birthday sweet baby girl! We miss you every day and love you always.

Imagine

As we are approaching our little girl's first birthday we wonder what she is doing. I know she is in heaven, probably sitting on my grandpa’s knee learning how to play solitary and listening to the Twins game.  Or she is holding Ryan’s grandpa’s hand and walking around outside looking at the trees taking it all in eating Snickers. She might even be with our friend Matt and he is laughing and telling her stories of what her mommy and daddy were really like. Whatever she is doing I know she is surrounded by our loved ones and they are taking care of her for us. I just simply can’t imagine it any other way.

I am not sure what heaven is really like but since our little girl left us I have began to think about it more and more. I think heaven is beautiful, peaceful, and full of love. I sure hope there is music there because our little girl loved music. I bet there are angels, singing, warm glowing lights, love and peace. I can’t imagine it any other way.

Tear Drops

I seem to have more tear drops this month. Tear drops of happiness, of pain, of hope, of sadness and of love.

Tear drops when I think about my little girl’s first birthday and wonder what she would be doing if she were here with us.

Tear drops when my friends ask questions about my baby because they want to know more about her, and because they care so much about us.

Tear drops when donations, blankets and books for Ella’s Halo keep coming in through the doors.

Tear drops when attending a memorial service for patients who have passed away at the hospital last year, and we lit a candle to remember our little girl.

Tear drops when we were visiting the NICU and had a chance to talk with one of Ella’s doctors, because we missed him and are forever grateful for the care that he gave our princess and our family.

Tear drops when I think back to this time last year and remember how scared we were.

Tear drops of when we remember her wiggling her toes to Twinkle Twinkle and all of the other funny little things she did to show us her love.

Tear drops when a card comes in the mail and is addressed to Ella’s mom with a little precious gift just for me.

Tear drops when I start thinking about Ella’s Halo bowling tournament and how we are going to help others.

Tear drops when we get messages that say others still think of her.

Tear drops when we miss her so much it hurts.

Dates

Lately I have been so consumed by dates. Dates from one year ago.

February 23- I was put on bed rest.

March 9- I had a rescue cerclage procedure.

March 25- A sweet little girl entered our lives and changed us forever.

These dates are all popping up, catching me off guard, and throwing me back into those scary moments. They remind me how fragile life really is and how life doesn't always go as planned.

But I am also consumed by other dates too. Dates I get to look forward to.

March 8- We received notification from the IRS, we are now tax exempt!

March 25- Our baby's 1st birthday in heaven!

May 15- Our first Ella's Halo Bowling for Babies Event!

These dates are the ones that keep me going, they give me strength, and they bring joy back into my life. They remind me about what is important in life and to look for the good in something so painful.

So I guess I will let dates consume me. They remind me of the things I have lost, they help me to keep fighting to help others and they bring love into our hearts. Dates allow me the time to reflect on a little girl's life, time to reflect on how far we have come and time to reflect on this thing called life.

You are invited.

To Ella's Halo's First Event!

Ella's Halo Bowling for Babies

Helping babies and families in the NICU

When:    Saturday, May 15, 2010 from 1:00-4:00 pm

                 Check in begins at 12:00 p.m. (noon)

Where:  The Park Tavern Bowling and Entertainment Center

                 3401 Louisiana Ave S

                 St Louis Park MN 55426

    

Entry:   $20.00 per person.

                Includes 3 games, shoe rental and entry for door prizes.

                Raffle tickets will be available for a variety of great prizes.

Online registration information coming soon!  Check http://www.ellashalo.com/ for more information.

All proceeds will support Ella's Halo's efforts to help provide small comforts of home to babies and families in Twin Cities' Newborn Intensive Care Units.  Help us help babies!

Please contact info@ellashalo.com for more information about participation, sponsorship opportunities or to make a donation.

Sunshine

The sun is shining here in Minnesota today. Days like this make me feel hopeful for the future. Hopeful that after a storm the sun will come back out. Hopeful that Ella’s Halo is going to shine through and and provide hope and comfort to others. Hopeful that our little ray of sunshine is going to lead us down the path we were intended to travel. Hopeful that there is something bright in the future for our family.

Sometimes in all of the sadness the only thing that you have to hold on to is hope. Hope that you are going to survive and make it through all of the pain. Hope that you don’t forget your little baby and that the memories last. Hope that you can see why all of this happened and why you were chosen for this journey. And hope that someday the grief simply turns into comfort and love.

The sunshine brings me hope, even if it is only for today.